Day 8: binge and purge, I repeat, binge and purge

It’s all so hard. I feel so uncomfortable. I can feel myself slipping into a dark place again and I’m quite scared

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Day 7: I don’t think I can do this

The morning started okay; I went for a walk, frank loads of water, and then had a meal at 12 noon. From there it went downhill. I probably had circa. 2,000+ calories today, and I binged.

I’m getting so upset by how I look. I weighed in at 48.1kg. I feel disgusting.

How do I do this. How. I’m addicted to food.

Day 6: not everything is plain sailing

Today I woke up determined to have a good day after I had enjoyed some rather yummy food the night before. However, once I started I just could not stop.

I’m sad to say that I binged and purged on masssssive bowls of cereal, not once, but twice.

I went on a nice walk this morning; my thoughts most of the time were negative, but I think if I focus on the positive things then it will help me. So, I went on a nice walk.

Tomorrow happens to be a Monday, but it is also when I will be starting a meal plan. This plan is something which I will put together the night before and try and stick to, I think it will help with my urges to binge.

 

“It is often easier to know what to do than to do it. Today I will do those things that strengthen my recovery”

Day 4: gRADuation

Graduation day.

Early start, felt incredibly insecure, popped my hair up, did my makeup, slipped into my satin red dress, felt like a sexy mo-fo.

Some tense moments with the parents, but hey ho. I Ama graduate of Durham University. I am also on Day 4 and have not binged, I have just had what I was craving in a healthy manner.

Joe met me and gave me a jumper and card; I think I guilt-tripped him after my preens to him yesterday. Bless him.

At a time when we are all leaving this institution, a sense of nothingness sweeps over you. Thus, this quote seems fitting for today: “Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
” -Eleanor Roosevelt

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Day 2: Not Even Bloated, Just Fat

It’s 09:00 and I feel like a slug. Am listening to some podcasts to get this expositive vibes flowing.

It’s been 1.5hrs. No positive vibes are flowing.

I know I shouldn’t do it but I decided to weigh in and it was 47kg (bu that was with lacy underwear, so let’s knock off 1kg).

Went for a coffee with Shannon (lady in the pic) but that turned into Lunch. Not gonna lie, I am proud of myself for not making any comments about the olive oil they put on my salad, rather, I ate the jacket spud and the salad and enjoyed every bite. I didn’t purge afterwards. I didn’t buy a bag of crisps, either. I bought a punnet of strawberries from Strawberry Man and enjoyed those.

After seeing at her graduation I hung about and wanted until Aexandra’s at 4pm, I met with her mum and gave her some sunflowers. Alexandra always said they made her feel happier.

35486030_2449212141770870_1865139644786540544_n.jpgI had a relatively healthy dinner of butterbeans, salad, tomatoes, apple, a poppyseed bun, and some other veg. I feel so bloated now.

I don’t like any of my dresses for graduation. I’ve thought about it all too much and now I feel so insecure and ugly. If I don’t turn this around over night then I am going to have a sh*t day on Friday.

I’m scared to meet my parents tomorrow (Thursday). I’m scared that when they saw me on the 31st May I looked a lot slimmer. I’m scared that my mum will pass a comment/I know I will feel instantly rubbish when I am with them.

I guess one positive I can take from Day 2 is that I have not binged or purged…

 

“Things that are done, it is needless to speak about. Things that are past, it is needless to blame.” – Confucius